Animalia Read online

Animalia

  a collection of quirky verse

  by

  Barnaby Wilde

  Copyright 2011 by Barnaby Wilde

  Barnaby Wilde asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  Cover picture 'Dodo' by Bontekoe, ca 1646

  Other published works by the author available as ebooks.

  A Question of Alignment – a Tom Fletcher novel

  I Keep Thinking It's Tuesday – a Tom Fletcher novel

  Every Which Way but East – a Tom Fletcher novel

  Animalia – a collection of quirky verse with an animal theme

  Life… -- a collection of verse on a vaguely 'life' related theme

  The Blind Philospher and the God of Small Things -- more verse, with a philosophical theme and bad puns.

  Not at all Rhinocerus – a collection of verse with almost no mention of rhinoceros

  A Little Bit Elephant – a collection of very quirky verse which is only slightly elephant.

  Tunnel Vision – a collection of longer verses featuring flying saucers, dining tables, whales and shoes, with puns and jokes as usual.

  The Well Boiled Icycle -- 35 New 'quirky' poems featuring Clockwork Wellingtons, Goldfish, Jugglers and Gingerbread Men, but not necessarily in that order.

  Barnaby's Shorts (volumes 1,2 and 3) – 10 coffee break sized short stories in each to suit all tastes. Romance, mystery, sci fi, humour and adventure.

  For more information visit www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk

  Contents and first line

  Keep on Rolling … Armadillos shouldn’t try

  Touché, or Not Touché … Two beetles disagreed one day

  Just Hanging On … Life isn’t much fun for a barnacle,

  Honey Bees … Honey bees are mostly buzz,

  Because He’s Worth It … What do you buy a camel for his birthday?

  Ruminations … Mostly cows just stand around

  Doggerel (or Catteral?) … Now, fancy that.

  Centipedes rarely play cricket … Centipedes rarely play cricket.

  Chameleons … Chameleons are mostly there,

  Chicken … The chicken is a useful bird

  Crocodiles … Crocodiles are mostly teeth,

  Dodo Time … The Dodo was a don’t do bird,

  Duck Bill … A platypus ain’t fish nor fowl,

  If elephants were really small … If elephants were really small

  Elephants … Elephants are mostly grey

  In the Pink … Flamingoes legs are very long.

  A Tall Story … Giraffes are mostly rather tall,

  No Flies on Me … Hoopoes fly like butterflies,

  Lizard Tails … Lizards happen when it’s hot,

  Dunroamin … Lobsters mainly live in pots,

  Let Us Prey … The Praying Mantis is a fraud,

  Mosquitoes … Mosquitoes are extremely small,

  Giving the Evil Eye … The ostrich doesn’t run away,

  Pelicans … Pelicans are mostly beak,

  Ask a silly question … A polar bear walked in a bar

  Sharps and flats … Porcupines are mostly quill,

  Quagga not Jagger … Q is for Quagga, (an awkward rhyme),

  A day in the country ... (The rabbit’s tale)

  He Who Has the Last Laugh … Different folks respond to jokes

  Mostly Snakes … Snakes are mostly either end.

  Tree Rats … Squirrels mostly live in trees,

  Mighty oaks from tiny acorns grow … Stick Insects are not much fun,

  Two Turtle Doves … Two Xmas cards upon the shelf,

  W is for Walrus … Walruses are mostly fat,

  Yak, Yak, Yak … I’ve never owned a donkey.

  1,2,3 ….. a lot! … Noah let the zebras out,